Thursday, January 10, 2008

Conservative Clone Factory

Weird. Is there some kind of conservative borg-hive where they just stamp these guys out on an assembly line? But note that the HomoPhobot XL comes with a solid tie and flag lapel pin, while the Econotron 9000 has a striped tie (lapel pin sold separately, to increase profit margin).





Well, no matter how you slice 'n' dice the parade of stars that is the Republican presidential candidate lineup, Richard Viguerie's "three-legged stool" model for conservative electoral viability is looking very rickety these days. No matter how hard you try, one or two of the legs keeps falling out and it just doesn't seem safe to sit on anymore. Might be time to haul it out to the curb.

That's on full display here, where you see Club For Growth's Pat Toomey (representing the economic/greedy corporatist wing) duking it out with Family Research Council's Tony Perkins (of the social issues/wingnut wing). Toomey can barely spit out the name Huckabee, while Perkins seems to think that even mentioning Rudy! in the same sentence as the words "Republican nominee" could doom the country to the dreaded takeover by the Militant Gays. (Bonus! If you pull the string on the back of the HomoPhobot XL, it will say "The social conservatives took a hike and they came back with a Huck". Look for earlier HomoPhobot versions to be upgraded with this clever bit of programming).

After a few minutes of adolescent "neener-neener" squabbling over whose candidate is the real conservative, Tweety steps in and informs his interview subjects that the consensus candidate will be The Mitten, if not for president than for McCain's VP. Toomey is having none of it, and flashes Tweety the kind of look you give the guy who hogs all the food at your party, barfs on your rug, and then asks you for a ride home. Tony seems okay with a Mitten candidacy though...probably because Tony knows Mitt is really just an older model Econotron recently upgraded with the new HomoPhobot chipset.



Oh, and congratulations Mitt on your key endorsement Thursday from "The" Daily Kos!! So let's see, that makes two silvers, one gold, and one Orange!

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